The National Fisheries Minister was right! Feike can now exclusively expose that the Democratic Alliance - the governing party in the Western Cape and South Africa's official opposition - has been found to have placed a sophisticated signaling device on the roof of Foretrust Building (the home of the Fisheries Branch in Cape Town) which controlled the swimming patterns of all fish in South Africa's EEZ. The DA flatly denies this.
We understand from secret sources that this device might have been developed by the late Libyan leader, Gaddaffi (who mistakenly switched it off one night and that is what led to the uprising in his country). The device essentially convinces the fish that they must stay in waters off the Western Cape province even though the waters are terribly cold (try dipping your toe in the water at Clifton) and as the Minister and all other people know, the waters off Durban are just so much more balmy and so warm (even in June).
The Minister was therefore quite correct to insist that her Fisheries Branch be exported to the relative safety of Pretoria so she can switch of this terrible fish controlling device and allow all of South Africa's fish to swim freely so they can choose to spend their lives in warmer waters near Durban, Port Elizabeth and East London. Personally, I would never venture voluntarily to Port Nolloth or even Hondeklipbaai in the Northern Cape - its terribly windy and cold because of that bloody Atlantic ocean and the cold Benguela current.
(Editor's note: Great exclusive but if the DA did put this fish "mind" controlling device in place, how does this explain the centuries of commercial and subsistence fishing in the western cape region. For example, the traditional linefishery dates back to pre-Van Riebeeck days, the Stillbaai feike (yep that is where we got our name from) or fish traps are thousands of years old and we know the San and Khoi were substantial consumers of fish. Just a thought.)